When I was in elementary school I was diagnosed with activity induced asthma and had to us an inhaler as needed while being activity. I played a lot of sports from volleyball, basketball, and softball and played them all year round and I wouldn’t have changed that at all. I would however change how competitive it can be to be the best player and would change it to being enjoyable but still competitive with the other team.

A few years in my asthma was becoming worse and I needed more medication besides an inhaler to help me breath. So I want to a pulmanary doctor and he prescribed my two meds which help tramensicely. That doctor, my primary doctor, and family would tell me that as I age it will get better or I would grow out of it. Every year I got older my ashtma never got better and I started to be come very embarrased by it. While playing sporting games and practices I would have a asthma attack and it was always loud. My broncial tubes in my lungs become flammed and getting air in and out is very hard and wizzing occurs and my wizzing was always loud and still is. Teamates would stare and people in the audicance would stare and I don’t blame them but it does it annoying. I had a coach once tell me that I really don’t have asthma that I’m actually hyperventalating on purpose. What that coach said crush me and made my hate that sport and I really didn’t want to finish out the season but I wasn’t allowed to quit.

As I age and my journey with asthma continues, I’ve learned to manage it better and respect it. I know that sounds silly but it’s true. You need to respect asthma or any other medical condition that you have and really understand how it affects your body. I no longer push myself anymore during physical activity and I take more breaks when needed. Taking deeps soothing breaths really helps and in visioning my lunges open and close each time I take a breath really helps and I suggest doing that. My asthma isn’t leaving me anytime soon, I’ve just learned how to deal with it.

~God Bless

Angela

When we first moved out of our parents home and into the apartment we had bought some dishes and utensil’s from the dollar store. We’ve kept these utensil’s when we moved into our first home and even kept them when we were gifted a kitchen set and we still have them now. They are great transition forks and spoons for the kids.

While I was deep into my eating disorder I would only use those utensil’s when eating meals and during my first round of therapy I never thought much about it why I chose them. I just told myself that I didn’t want to dirty the new utensil’s and keep them lasting as long as I can. Why not use the dollar store ones tell they bust, they are in fact only a dollar.

Over the course of recovery, I hate to admit it but I used the dollar tree forks and spoons all the time because I viewed and valued myself as that much, a dollar, worthless, and meaning less. Thats how low I was when my eating disorder consumed my life and my every thought. Those feeling at every meal lead to having suicidal thoughts and thank goodness I never acted on them because my family wouldn’t be here today and neither would I.

Every time I go into the silverware draw to grab what I need I always think about what those utensil’s did mean and their purpose and what they mean now. I never grab them for myself to use on a daily basis and probably never will. I have value, purpose, and I am worth so much and much more. I may from time to time use the fork or spoon as a challenge to myself that those past beliefs or feelings have no hold over me now and to remind the eating disorder that it doesn’t have a hold on me with the utensil.

~God Bless

Angela

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and enjoyed all that it brings. Christmas here was wonderful and magical. It was nice not having to rush anywhere and they kiddos were able to open presents and play with them without needing to be rushed to move onto the next thing or house. They decorated cookies, all three of them, and Josie then undecorated her cookies hahaha. I stayed in my jammies ALL DAY LONG and it was wonderful!!!! I also didn’t do much of anything besides cooking meals and doing chores that was about it. It was so nice and watching the kiddos play with their toys and watch Christmas movies was awesome. As much as I wish everyday was Christmas I am back to reality today cleaning up all the Christmas explosions that were all around the house. No I didn’t take down my Christmas decorations yet but I did clean up all the garbage from Christmas a long with the toys that were left all over the house. OMG the kitchen was HORRIBLE, thats the one room where you really shouldn’t take a day off from cleaning, dirty dishes every where I looked.

It’s time to get back to reality and get ready for the week thats fast approaching.

~God Bless

Angela

I will never understand how any mother can be so mean to their child/children, young or old, big or little, boy or girl. I will never understand!!!! Shame on her!! I will never be mean to my children like that and thats a promise.

I will start with what happened yesterday evening and this event is what caused me to post yesterdays post today. I just didn’t have the energy and needed to spend time with Timothy and getting my thoughts back in order. Yesterday afternoon my mother came over to drop off some apples, tape, and a coat. This big grey coat was one that she had been wearing so far here since it became cold and I think even last year. She claims she never wore this coat before because she just didn’t like the way it felt or looked on her. I guess my grandmother, my dads mom had bought it for her years a go for Christmas. I call bullshit, its a very new coat and she and my grandmother haven’t seen each other in YEARS, let alone exchange Christmas gifts. So she comes with this coat and say’s telling me to try it on and see how it fits. Before I do so I notice the size, a 2xl! Instantly I now it isn’t going to fit good anywhere at all and I was right. Lynn goes “oh my goodness it looks so good on you and way better then your other coat”. The other coat by the way she bought be last year for Christmas. I said “well which one are you talking about, the pink one or grey one?”. She was talking about the grey one and says “Angela that grey one is just too small and tight around your stomach and it just doesn’t look good.”

My feelings were hurt and still are hurt. I know it may sound silly to be hurt over something like that but thats the life of dealing with an Eating Disorder daily. I may be 8 years on the road of recovery with a few rough turns over the years but this is how those turns can start. It all starts with judging myself in all the areas from being a horrible mother, horrible housewife, and a horribly fat women/mom. Those were the thoughts I started having after she left and well into the night. Today will be filled with altering my thoughts and using the tools that I have equipped over the years and it might take all week. I may have to do this for a week or more and I’m going to change how often I speak to her.

(from pinterest)

~God Bless

Angela

As we all know 2020 has been a tough year for many and some had to make hard decisions for themself and/or their family. I made that choice back in March after the daycare I had been working had open back up after the mandatory 2 week shut down. I was loving that time off and actually forgot there was a pandemic happening around in the world. I had gotten so much stuff done that needed to be done that I wasn’t getting done because I had been working so much. When the time came to go back and after something had happen work related I decided to not go back. Not sure much because of Covid but because I wanted something new, I wanted to be away from the drama, and I wanted to spend more time with my kiddos.

Back in September Timothy and I had talked about the dreaded finances and we came into agreement that I needed to bring in a income but it had to be a job that would allow me to come home if the kiddos were sick and it had to work around Timothys schedule so we wouldn’t have to pay for a sitter or a daycare bill because that sh** isn’t cheap. So I had put some feelers out on facebook about watching some kiddos in the home and I’ve been doing that since October and its going great. I mostly help out some friends when their sitter isn’t available or if they have an appointment to go to. I make sure I follow all the state rules and regulations for watching children in the home because this lady doesn’t want to get in any trouble. It isn’t a lot of money and I didn’t start doing this to make a lot of money it was mostly to help other and I get to stay home with my kiddos. But the money I do make does help out a lot, which is great.

I didn’t share right away because I wanted to make sure it all worked out first and didn’t want to jinx myself hahaha. I know this sounds like I’m in high school lol. This not only brings in some extra cash it also gives my kiddos someone to play with and man that is so important, both Robbie and Josie love it. We fill the day with reading books, doing art, playing outside, and dancing around the room to music. Of course there are days like any job were the day is rough and you’ve just had enough, I feel like thats pretty normal. :).

Cheers to a new career!!

~God Bless

Angela

I needed some time to feel all the feelings that come around and on my dad’s birthday. His birthday is December 2nd and every year he is gone it seems to be getting harder and harder for me to handle. I don’t really believe I am done grieving and I don’t know if I’ll ever be “done”. Every new year I think of him and wish he was here and anything new that the kiddos do I wish he was here. Every holiday celebration, every child’s birthday I wish he was here.

I miss his smile, I miss his laugh, I miss his big bear hugs, and I miss his nonjudgemental big heart. My dad was the kindness man you would every meet and he would do anything to help a person out. He would have never said any of the mean cold hearted things my mother has said to me about myself, children, or my husband. He told me about this time he and my uncle went down to a local bar thats on the river and confronted some out of town drug dealers that were giving my cousin and her friends a hard time. My uncle and dad got into a fist fight with these guys and in the end the guys ended up floating down river to the boat landing. The never spoke to my cousin or her friends again, according to my dad that is. My dad was so proud of that story and would tell me whenever he would remember. You have to understand my dad was a 5ft 6in, 300 pound man and being able to do that when your 50 is pretty awesome. I think a few beers helped boost his confidence hahaha.

God Bless

~Angela

It was roughly three years ago when I came across elf on the shelf on Pinterest and decided to jump on the train. I figured I could do this for 25 days how hard can it be right? At first it was easy Dominic and Robbie just got a kick out of find the Elf in a new spot every day and the Elf would do something big on the weekend and they were cool with it. Well I must have out done myself those years because so far this round I have been slacking on doing something big on the weekend with the Elf. Dang I can hardly remember to move him every night. I either fall asleep on the couch and get up to go to bed and forget or I cuddle with a kiddo in bed and boom I’m out for the night.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who forget to move the Elf? I think I have forgotten twice a week so far since the first of December. Well last night I set an alarm before bed to remind me to move the Elf and I did. He even wrote a note to the boys saying he couldn’t move the door on the glass cupboard so he ended up being stuck in the same spot two days in a row and he snuck some of the boys Halloween candy and left some wraps behind and he had moved to a new spot. I was so proud of myself this morning and the boys were so happy to see he had moved and left a note. They weren’t so happy that he had eaten some of their candy hahahaha.

I have already thought of something big this weekend to do that involves green streamers, a yellow star, and the Elf. Any guesses? Leave them in the comments below. 🙂 Happy Elf time!!

God Bless

~Angela

My birthday has come and gone and I’m one year older…..32!! 32 is my FAVORITE number and has been since I was in elementary school, so this number doesn’t bother me at all. I feel like everyone freaks out once they are in their 30’s and they make life changes sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad.

I have mixed feelings about my birthday, at first I’m pretty excited and look froward to have a day to myself which this year Timothy worked so I had the kiddos and the day was still great. I got to watch whatever I wanted on the TV, whoot whoot.

I always wake up on my birthday setting up expectations about the birthday texts I’m going to get or the Facebook posts will I have and who posted them and how many. This is completely ridiculous now that I’v been thinking about it. Last year no one text and no one posted on Facebook about my birthday and I was devastated and cried almost all night. The only ones who remembered where Timothy and his dad who actually gifted me a awesome gift. Its a sign that says “Life is Better on the Farm”, best sign ever and so true.

This year I woke to be birthday with no expectations and told myself it’s my day and I don’t need to be worried about who remembers on Facebook, like how silly is that. I reminded myself about years ago when Facebook wasn’t a thing and the simple call or card for my birthday made my day. And you know what, those two simple things made my day this birthday. I received my yearly birthday card from my Godmother that I look forward to every year, a card from my Auntie, and the best card of all from my mother-in-law. On the front of the card was a very good looking, topless man holding a birthday sign. I did get a lot of text messages from friends and family too and a call from my mom. The boys made me paper gifts and it brought tears to my eyes.! I love those boys!

The down side to my birthday is that it’s another year my dad isn’t here to celebrate with me. I miss him more and more every birthday, every Holiday, and every season change.

If you have a birthday coming up, what are your plans? Leave it below!

God Bless

~Angela

Well its happened, one of our children has broken their first bone and it was Josie. Josie, at 22 months has broke her collarbone by falling off her brothers bed and landing chest first onto the carpet. Timothy and I were upstairs with the kiddos but in a different room cleaning. I was putting away the never ending laundry and Timothy was organizing his board games. I ran so fast to that bedroom because her cry was different, it sounded like a painful cry. I picked her up and she was holding that side of her body and I knew something wasn’t right. A hour went by and she was still favoring it and wouldn’t let anyone touch it. I had put her down to go to the bathroom and then I saw it. Her left shoulder was dipping down and I knew there was a break somewhere.

We called the nurse to confirm my suspicions and she directed us to take her in to the ER, on a Sunday evening. We get into the ER and we had a nurse who was the sweetest nurse ever and Josie took to her real fast. The doctor saw us and ordered X-rays to be done and again that radiology tech. working with Josie did a great job. She had Josie turn on the X-ray machine a couple of times which Josie loved and afterwards the technician showed us the picture, more to just show Josie her cool photo but I could see it then, the clean break. We went back to the room and waited for a few moments and the doctor came in and confirmed what I saw and said it’s a nice blah blah blah break and showed me the X-ray and asked if I would find it. I did. I think if he would’ve had stickers he would have given me one for how good of I job I did finding it (insert eye roll here). He was one of those doctors if you know what I mean.

It’s been a week now and Josie is recovering nicely minus all the climbing and falling she continues to do hahaha. She has a hard time sitting still and now that she’s feeling better there is no more fear in that little girl. She has to wear the sling for 3-6 weeks, thats going to be the longest time of my life but we got this!

God Bless

~Angela

So last week we had lovely warm weather here in Wisconsin which is strange for November. For little over a week we had sunny days that were 65 to 70 degrees out! It was wonderful and amazing. Now the weather here has turned back to its normal self; cold, slightly windy, and 45 degrees with a chance of snow.

I have started to do yoga everyday and I have to say my body feels more loose and my joints hurt way less which is awesome. I was gonna start my yoga one day last week and then it dawned on me that I should do it outside while I can. So I packed two yoga mats, my phone, and my water and headed for our deck. After I had set my mats up and the yoga music on my phone I was about to start and then I remembered that I hate doing yoga with a shirt on. No matter the shirt I wear while doing yoga it always ends up on my face while doing downward dog and I feel like I’m being smothered by it. So I started doing yoga without a shirt on while inside and I was like “should I do the same out?” I probably stood there for 10 minutes arguing in my head if I should or shouldn’t take my shirt off. One of the good points I brought up to myself was “well when you go swimming you sometimes wear a two piece and a sports bra covers more than a swimming suite top so go for it!”. And I did. I took my shirt off and stood their and I felt very exposed! “Thought what will my neighbors think? Will the judge my mom bod?” I said out loud to myself “well they are going to deal with my mom bod and I DON’T CARE WHAT THEY THINK!”. It felt so liberating saying that out loud and actually believing it. I did about 30 minutes of yoga and not one car drove past and I finished right before the bus dropped off Dominic which was perfect because the bus does drive past were I was doing yoga.

It felt so great doing yoga outside and having the sun hit my back, arms, and face. I love listening to upbeat yoga music while doing my yoga but I really loved listening to the ducks and chickens that were right behind me. It made it even more peaceful and enjoying.

Loving your body is a journey and for me taking about my shirt while outside is a BIG step and I’m starting to love my body for what it does and how it looks! Be kind to you body and feed your body with love and healthy foods!

~God Bless

Angela