I’ve started a new workout program again last week and I had actually started it once a month ago and only completed the first week and half of the second and then I got sick so I didn’t finish. So I started it up again this past week. I had all intentions of doing every scheduled day but life happened and I ended up moving my body differently. I either played around outside with the kiddos or took the puppy on a walk or did both. There may have been a day or two that I didn’t do much and thats OKAY. We shouldn’t feel guilty if we took a day off or didn’t get the planned program workout in. And thats exactly what I did. I started to beat myself up about not staying on track with my workouts and judging myself for what I was eating or drinking (this momma likes to have some wine).

Ugh its sooo annoying that I do that and that habit and way of thinking is definitely a learned. I was either taught from family members or social media. Social media is the worst sometimes. I’m working on being okay with what I eat and I would like to become a more intuitive eater thats my ultimate goal.

So like I said above this week I started back up on doing the workouts via the program and I had my days off in the program. So for example I left off on last Thursday’s workout but I ended up doing Thursday workout on Monday. It felt strange but thats what I wanted to do and let me tell you my mind starting spinning with how I could squeeze in more workouts in each day so I could be caught up again. These workouts are 25-30 minutes so if I would have done two workouts I would be working out for an hour straight. The more I thought about it, it had dawned on me, I was like oh shit! That was a warning sign for me that, my eating disorder is trying to peak its nasty head and take control. So I talked myself off the edge of doing two workouts and told myself that one workout for the day is great!

I LOVE moving my body if thats either dancing, running, weight training, cardio, or yoga I love moving body and how it makes me feel. I feel mentally more stable and I feel more grounded. The moment I feel lost or consumed with the thought of working out more I try to remind myself of how far I have come on this road of recovery from my eating disorder.

When my eating disorder was controlling my life and I was at my worst, I remember this so clearly, I jumped slowly on the scale like a fragile glass doll filled with anxiety. I was so anxious about what number was going to appear on the scale even thought I had been on the scale that morning after my first workout of the day. The moment the number flashed on I was filled with joy and then sadness. Ninety eight pounds what how much I weighted that evening after my evening workout and right before dinner. My eating disorder goal was to weight less then one hundred pounds and I had achieved. It was like I wanted to see how low my weight could get.

The number on the scale means absolutely NOTHING! You mean so mush more then that number and I’m here for you!!

God Bless

~Angela

This summer has been a crazy one filled with many emotions from happiness to sadness. The summer started off great and we had lots of fun with cousins and water haha. We’ve had lots of sprinkler days and pool days which the kiddos loved so much. We planted our first garden at the farm and it turned out wonderful and blessed us with tons of fresh produce and even now that we are in October the kale is still growing strong.

We had THREE gardens this year, yes you read that right THREE gardens! One is a raised garden bed that used to be a grain feeder and in there we planted lettuce and green peppers. The peppers were growing great tell one of our goats broke free from the pen and ate them all. Lessoned

for next year is to move the raised bed away from the goat pen. The other raised garden bed is on the ground but just raised sides. In there we had pumpkins, spinach, and canning cucumbers. All of them grew so big and lush but the stinking squash bugs infected the pumpkin plants and we couldn’t shake them at the time. Even though we didn’t get to enjoy the pumpkins for Halloween our goats sure loved them. Pumpkin is a great dewormer for goats so thats a plus. In the big traditional garden we planted lots of vegetables almost too many. My thought with all that I planted was that if we didn’t eat it or like it I could always feed it to the pigs and we sure did hahaha. We planted zucchini plants, melons, cucumbers, kale, beats, peas (they didn’t do so hot), green beans, carrots, onions, cherry tomatoes, regular tomatoes, celery, cabbage, and squash. I know thats a sh** ton of vegetables!!!

Sadly we had lots our farm dog in June. When Timothy were seniors in hight school so 2006/2007 we had gotten a puppy from people in town who didn’t know he was going to be such a large dog. They had taken him to the vet and learned how big he could eventually get. So we snagged him up and named him Rocky. Rocky lived on the farm with Timothys dad and their farm dog Buster. Buster taught Rocky the rules of the farm and kept him safe. Rocky lived a wonderful life on the farm and over the course of his life he watched over steer, cats, kittens, chickens, ducks, goats, and pigs. Rocky passed away at 14 years old. We will loved him forever!!

Good Bless!

~Angela

This last couple of years have been tough to be a daughter.  I know that sounds odd but it’s true.  My mother is in a rough chapter of life currently and its all because of herself.  Over the last two years has been struggling with depression (not diagnosed by professionals) but she has admitted it but she chooses to not receive help.  I believe the reason she chooses not to is because she likes all the attention she gets from family and friends.  My mother loves a good pity party big or small.

She has chosen to live her life in a filthy, dirty, and uncleaned apartment.  My sister in law and I have cleaned her small two bedroom apartment two times before when it gotten this horrible and unlivable.  We have offered to help her and have given her resources to help her maintain a clean apartment.  It is the most flustering thing to experience and to watch a love one self sabotage them-self and then blame everyone else for whats happening to her.

It has become worse again and this weekend I was told my brother and his wife had gotten a second visits from the chief of police regarding my mother and her well being. The post office had requested a wellness check to be done on my mother AGAIN.  I am very grateful that the post master is concerned about my mother and is thinking about her well being.  But do you think my mother would be touched they are concerned about her?  Nope she was PISSED!!  You would also think she would get her act together knowing the chief of police may be doing a actual wellness check on her, NOPE.

The reason I am sharing this is because stress caused by a loved one can affect recovery.  If its recovering from a eating disorder, drugs, alcohol, and so on.  I have been having distorted thoughts about  my body, how I should be eating or shouldn’t be eating, and wanting to increase my workouts by working out twice a day.  I haven’t participated in any of those thoughts and started talking to Timothy right away about what I’m feeling.  I’m going to be completing honest, I have fallen down the “hate my body hole”  This week I’m going to be working on climbing out of that hole and getting my head back on straight.  I’m going to share with you guys all the tools and resources I have used.

God Bless;

Angela

The other morning I was out doing morning chores and I started with the barn animals first like normal.  I left the milk house with a bucket filled with water in one hand for the pigs and a scoop filled with cat food for the cats.  I walked through the barn door and was so surprised to see all six heifers in the barn.  It brought a BIG smile to my face.  I dumped the cats food out and gave water to the pigs and gave them feed right away.  If I wouldn’t have given them feed right away I would have heard all about it from them hahaha.  The are very loud when they want food, they will smash into the wooden panels of the pen and they will squeal so loud until you give them their food.  After I took care of the pigs I went over to give love on the heifers.  As soon as I walked over and started loving on one the other five came over.

It made me so so so happy and right then it dawned on me.  I’m meant to do this, I’m meant to farm and homestead.  This is what makes me truly happy besides my children and husband.  I thought of the heifers, the pigs, the goats, and the chicken and how happy they all make me and how I love caring for them and thanking the ones that provide my family with food.  Farming and homesteading is in my blood and I’m ready to hit this lifestyle full force.  I want myself and my family to become more self efficient this year and really learn where our food comes from.  I want to have the children really involved with all animals now and in the future and with the garden like they were with last years garden.  They were in heaven when the pumpkins started growing and being able to harvest them in fall.  They also loved doing the same with the Zucchini plants.

This year I have so many things I want to do on this farm/homestead.  We are going to be adding more laying hens, meat birds (I’m not sure how many), 4-6 ducks, 4 turkeys, and possibly sheep.  Oh and I really, really would like to add bees to the mix but I need to do some more research first.  The bees might be added on next year.  Also, we are adding a bigger garden that will provide more food for my family but also food for the animals.  I plan on growing extra root vegetables that I can feed to the pigs to help reduce the amount of grain we feed as they get bigger.  Some extra produce will go to the chickens and goats along with the vegetable plants after the last harvest.  All the animals will be in heaven for sure and love all the fresh produce and extra plants.

Also, down the line I would like to get a cow or two and maybe even a dairy cow to possibly hand milk but again I need to do more research on that.  I would like to try and make our own butter which I know I can do now with whole milk I purchase in a store.  So I think I’m going to give that a go first and save up my pennies for that cow lol.

I plan on sharing this journey with you guys.  I have a feeling this journey is going to help me with this fight against the never ending battle with a eating disorder.

~God Bless, Angela

I find myself already getting into a funk and a slight fight with depression and February isn’t even here yet.

February 13th will mark four years that my Dad has passed away.  I miss him so extremely much and I wish he was here watching my children grow and them getting to know them.  Instead I gather the photos I have and show them to the kids and tell them all the things he loved to do.  I tell them how he was the sweetest man ever and would do anything for anyone.  How he loved going deer and duck hunting with his son and loved fishing with my brother and myself.  I tell them how he worked hard at the same place thats across the street from where their daddy works.  I tell them how Grandpa Jim is always watching over them and keeping them safe.  I tell them he visits each of them almost every night to see how much they have grown and gives them a kiss goodnight.  I like to believe he actually does all those things for my children and for myself.

I often find myself sitting in a quite room, closing my eyes, and replaying his voice in my head “Hey Tweeter haha!”  I fear the longer time goes on the less and less I will be able to hear his voice and I don’t want that to happen.  I don’t ever want to forget anything about my dad and all the wonderful things he has done for other people and for my family.  I know he wasn’t always perfect but he was my perfect, if that makes since.

I will try my best to not let grief and depression keep me down over the next two weeks and somehow maybe change the grief feeling into celebrating his life and all the wonderful things he’s done.

This is my dad meeting Dominic for the first time at the hospital.  He brought him a light brown teddy bear and we still have it.  Dominic ask’s me once in a while who gave the bear to him and when I tell him Grandpa Jim did, he gets a big, big smile on his face.

                                                                     This is dad at Robbie’s gender reveal party.  He was pretty convinced Robbie was a going to be a boy and he was right.  Everyone else guessed girl.

          This is the first and last time dad meet Robbie.  Robbie was little over a month old in the picture.  This picture was taken at our family Christmas at my mom apartment in late December.  Two months later he died.

  This picture was taken the Christmas before the one above.

He had the most beautiful red colored beard and hair and both were so thick.  He had the smallest hair loss right in the middle of his head when he passed and he was still rocking that beard.  I have only seen him twice in my life without his beard.  When he was the sick the first time with Meningitis in 2009 they had to shave his beard off for breathing tubs and such.  And this last time a few days before he passed they had to shave off his beard too.  He looked a strange man at his funeral without his beard.

~ God Bless, Angela

I have been seeing the local chiropractor in town ever since high school and he’s helped me so much over the years and I’m very grateful for him and his practice.  I didn’t see him during the low point when the eating disorder controlled my life.  I’ve been receiving chiropractor care while I was pregnant with all three kiddos and man it helped so much.

The last couple of years I have been experiencing a lot of chronic pain in my neck and back and according to him I have a lot of systemic inflammation in my entire body which makes daily life hard sometimes and causes for me carpal tunnel in both wrists.  He believes that if I 100% changed my diet slowly of course, I would feel so much better and so would my body.  I totally believe him and I really want to improve my health and get healthier but I’m scared.  I’m scared that if I start changing my diet and go all in per say that I could end up where I once was.  It all started with wanting to loose some weight for my wedding and I become obsessed.  Its a slippery slope and I don’t want to slide down it.

I haven’t vocalized this to him yet because I just discovered this myself.  I always blamed it on not having the money to do the testing he suggests or by the stuff to do the program that he has set up.  The only way I would consider doing this would be if I had a nutritionist on board with me and I’m not currently seeing one and gosh I haven’t seen one in 5 years.  I wouldn’t know how to go about getting to see one anymore.  I’m going to call the Chiropractor this week to touch base with him and to ask if he is a nutritionist himself.  I know he has taught classes and other things over the years.

I’m ready to change my diet not only for myself but for my family.  So I need to get myself set up for success so I can help my family.

~God Bless, Angela

Here’s the menu for the week and I’m going to try and stick to.  No if’s and’s or buts!  Our week isn’t crazy busy.  There is only wrestling practice on Monday so I planned and easier and quicker meal that Dominic can have when we come home.  Wednesday meal I will prep today because I have off and that way I can have it all ready Wednesday.  I am so excited for Fridays meal, we haven’t made fish at the house in over a year, which is so sad.  I’m looking forward to it, hopefully I can remember how.  hahaha.  Sunday’s meal is more fancy and I want to have that more fancy meal on Sundays and really bring the family together.  Pictures and an update will come next week.

Monday:  Chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, green beans, and apples

Tuesday: Spaghetti, meatballs, french bread, and salad

Wednesday:  Stuff peppers

Thursday: Left over

Friday:  fish, fries or chips, pickle, salad, and corn

Saturday:  Tuna Casserole

Sunday:  Whole chicken roasted, green bean casserole, crest rolls, and pears

`God Bless  Angela

Sorry I’m posting this a day late, the last couple of days have been crazy busy.  It all started on last Wednesday when Josie’s had a little fever at daycare.  Her fever that day went from a little low grade to 103 and stay at 103 tell Thursday evening and Friday morning it was low grade again.  I’m happy the fever broke but then Saturday morning, I noticed she had a rash all over her chest and it was starting to go else where and again she was miserable.

Saturday was game day here at my house, were the hubs has friends over and they play board games all day and sometimes I play depending on the children.  Also, Saturday Dominic had his first dual meet here in town and that was at 4:30 pm and boy it was dang cold that evening!  Dominic had two matches and he was pinned both times and tried to roll out of the pin but just couldn’t get out.  He still had a good time and choose to get back Monday night for practice.

Sunday was Josie’s birthday party and I was running around like a mad women trying to clean and do all the things.  I had put it all off the day before because we had a house full of dudes and the house never stays clean.  hahahaha.  I have never decorated in so much girly stuff before it was odd lol.  She had a unicorn themed party with all the pinks and gold.  She had a puffy tool pink skirt on with a unicorn shirt that said one, and a unicorn head band.  Ugh she was sooo stinking cute and was in good spirits Sunday thank goodness.  The days leading up to the party I was getting nervous, she was such a hot mess express and all over the place.  Which I don’t blame her.

~God Bless, Angela

A year and four months ago we moved onto the family farm in Wisconsin.  We moved in around September and I was pregnant with two crazy boys.  All I could think about was fulling the barn full of animals right away.  The hubs, who was being more realistic then I was told me no over and over again.  He promised we would talk about it the following year.  As you know from previous post we have ANIMALS and I am so blessed.

A little history about the house and farm.  They were built in 1868 by George and his wife who named farm Oak Lane Farm. They had children and when George died his son William took over.  William and his family sold their family farm they had down the road and moved in and took over the farm.   William grew old and passed the farm down to his son Arlington.  Arlington got married and had three children; 2 girls and boy.  He and is second wife sold the farm to his son Bill and wife Sharlean, who are the hubs’ grandparents.  Bill and Sharlean had three children also; 2 boys and a daughter.  One of the sons, Tim, took over the farm and eventually he and his wife purchased the farm from Bill.  They raised their family here.  Tim had lived here in this home for 65 years!  He never moved out until he was 65 and he finally was able to down size with his second wife.  Tim had two boys, and his son Timothy and his family moved in (that’s us). There have been six generations that have lived on this property and they all have had animals on the farm.  From dairy cows, all types of poultry to beef cows and horses, and pigs.

Nothing has changed with the outside of the house, its still white like it always has been and I’m not going to change that.  It also and two really nice porches.  One faces the road and one faces the barn and pasture.  I love looking out the window and seeing the moo crew eating away!  The moo crew isn’t ours, we are currently renting the pasture to a local farmer and his wife.  Someday I will have some of my own!  The hubs’ dad and his wife had added a deck and pool onto the house a few years back.  That was really nice to have over the summer and I plan on using that way more this year, now that Josie will be older.

The barn and pole shed are still the same and holding up real nice.  The barn could use some TLC and a fresh coat of paint.  Maybe that will happen down the road after the inside is all taken care of.

Over all, I just really love living in the house and having all the history.  We get to pass it down to our children and they will pass it down to theirs.  I’m truly blessed for ever grateful!

This above it what helps keep me grounded, it helps me keep my mind straight, and not let those eating disorder thoughts sneak in.  It oddly give me confidence in myself and the way I want to live my life.  I know I was meant to have this type of body and live this type of homesteading life!

~God Bless,  Angela

Last weeks meal I planed were;

Mon-Shepherds Pie                             Fri-Beef Tips with noodles

Tues-enchilada’s                                  Sat-Tuna Casserole

Wed-Chicken Pot Pie                          Sun-Pizza

Thur-Left over

I made Shepherds pie on Monday and it was DELICIOUS.  Everyone liked and some even loved it minus Robbie.  He refused to try any of it.  Someday that little boy will start trying new foods.  We ended up making him a ketchup sandwich, disgusting.  I got done early with work Monday because I need to get home and meet the bus.  This was quick to make and have ready before Dominic and I ran off to wrestling practice.  We both ate it when we got home!

On Tuesday, we were suppose to eat the enchiladas and I ended up making the chicken pot pie because I forgot to take the meat out ahead of time.  hahahah.  I don’t have a picture of the my finish pot pie but here is how its suppose to look.

Doesn’t this look so yummy and delicious?  I think so too but I found that the biscuits didn’t get cooked through and were raw.  I was going to put it back in for a length of time but some o the biscuits would have burned.  The taste of burn is never a good thing.  The hubs could it all mixed up and it didn’t bother him.  Nope, not this lady, I picked through it and took the raw dough out.  I will not be making this again and will stick to my normal way of making chicken pot pie that involves pie crusts.

Wednesday turned into left over day and we choose from either Monday or Tuesdays lefts over.

Thursday I came home later from work then I was suppose to.  Which, threw everything off and there was a NFL play off game.  We ended up having peanut butter and jelly or honey sandwiches, veggies, and fruit of their chose.

Friday we had beef tips with egg noodles and man it was YUMMY!  I mixed it all together the night before in the crock pot and but it in the fridge.  In the morning I placed the inside of the crock pot into the “base” and turn it on low before we literally ran out the door.  Came home around 3 o’clock and turn it to warm and we ate around 5 o’clock.

Saturday turned into a left over day and we got to eat the yummy beef tips again!

Sunday was pizza night and the Packer game!

~God Bless Angela