Have you ever just wanted to give up the fight? Give up the fight your been fighting for so long to get your life back to normal or the fight you’ve been fighting to have a normal relationship with food and exercise. I’m exchausted and just want to give up the fight. I’m tired of being tired or emotionally drained because I’ve been fighting in my head to be okay with how my body looks and to love my body for all the wonderful things it had down during three pregnancies. I’m tried of constantly fighting my thoughts about food and how it doesn’t matter as long as I’m healthy that I can have that candy bar or whatever. I’m over the fight. I want to through in the towel and just let this stupid eating disorder take over. But then I remember I’m a mom now and I need to continue to keep fighting so I can show and teach my children how to love their body, except their body, and just love themselves. I need to teach and show my children that all good is good for you in moderation. I need to show and teach my children how to fight for themselves and others or something they truely believe in. Today is one of those days where life has just become to much or I have become too much. I look at myself in the mirror and wonder how I’ve come so far from where I was a few months ago. A few months ago I didn’t waist endless hours on my phone or completely eat like shit because I can or stop drinking water and turn to soda and alcohol. A few months ago I would workout/move my body at least 3 times a week or more. A few months ago I would read books to my children before they went to bed. A few months ago I was taking better care of my skin and my teeth. I want that balance back! It has been gone for a few months.
Have you ever sat down with yourself and have a come to Jesus chat? I have, I had too. I was losing myself and then some. I told myself to night give up the fight and keep punching forward. I’ve decided to put myself first. I now write it down in my daily planner to brush my teeth and wash my face. It keeps me more accountable everyday and I make sure I get them done. I started working out again and main does moving my body around feel right. I’ve noticed a big change in my thinking and I’ve become more positive again. Which is my normal shelf. I’ve started eating more vegetables and and fruits everyday because I miss they way they make my body feel and give it energy. I’ve cut make on how much and how many days I’m drinking alcohol and I check in with myself to why I’m drinking. This is very important to do for bad habits can develop around drinking. I’m starting to drink more water everyday. I set small daily goals for myself and now l’m back up to 80+ ounces a day. My nails are becoming stronger and I’ve noticed a change in my skin. I’m hopping this is going to help with my acne alone with washing my face more often, fingers crossed. I’ve also started reading more books. I like the thriller mixed with romance books!! Reading as helped me with my memory, less time on my phone, and less tv time. Also, reading has helped my fall asleep better even though I find myself some nights staying up way later then I should be. I’ve also decided to make more time to blog. Blogging so very therapeutic for me and it’s a great way to get thoughts out, sharing recipes or whatever it is with others and hopefully you get something out of what I share/post.
At the end of the day balance is key and is very important. I’m really good at not balancing myself into that balance.
**I wrote this during summer when life was getting tough and anxiety was slowly starting to rear its nasty little head.**