I wish someone would have told me how hard this next chapter of life would be and maybe I would have been a little more prepared. I’m in the chapter of motherhood when all 3 of my children are in school full time and have been since September and they are all in 1 activity that happens after school. I remember when they were little and I would think “oh man, I can’t wait tell they are in school”. Now, not every day did I think that only on the hard days and would think what would life be like. Maybe I would be working outside the home, growing a beautiful garden full of food I could harvest and save, being a hobby farmer with all the animals in the world and having my kiddos tag along during the summer or after school.

I do have a garden, I do have some farm animals, and I am working outside the home. I do work outside of the home and my job gets all my attention. Unfortunately, we had down size on the farm animals we had because we didn’t have the extra time to put into fixing some fences and such to keep them safe. My garden looks very sad 80% of the time and I haven’t harvested many of the food the garden has

me with but my animals did get them. I did get to cut some fresh flowers from the garden and make a beautiful bouquet for the dinning room table. Man they were beautiful and I can’t wait to grow some more flowers. Then when school started and my work hours shifted to working tell 4:30 life seemed to get harder. I was having a hard time fitting in an evening workout session for myself and making dinner so we could get at a decent time. When the activities started everything became harder. I’m lucky if I can have dinner made by 7 most nights with and us eating by 8 but mostly we have cereal or sandwiches and sometimes subway for the connivence of it. I would feel better knowing everyone had eaten a dinner and that task was done for the night. I miss seeing and spending time with my children and it makes me sad I give my all working with children and have little left for my children and then we run around trying to get everything in once we get home. Three nights a week I get 1.5 hours with them if I’m lucky and sometimes 2 hours for the kiddos that dont have an activity that night.

I know a change needs to happen but how do you know where? Will my spouse be upset that I want to change? I like to keep everyone happy and thriving but I feel like I’m drowning and 2 of my kiddos are falling behind reading and I hold a lot of guilt for. I didn’t read to those two like I did with my oldest. I read to my oldest every night since 6 months tell 5/6 then life became crazy with 3 kiddos and I barley read to him let alone the other two.

No body told me trying to do all the above is nearly impossible and you have to put yourself on the back burner or make some sacrifices.

I think about summer time and how last summer went. My kiddos went to the school age program every day I worked when we got home we ate and rushed to baseball 2 times a week. I think the kiddos and I went camping twice, we had a family vacation for the weekend which was wonderful, and then some fires at home. That all sounds so wonderful minus the little time of summer my kiddos had and myself. I want to do so much with them but only have two days to do so but one day has to be for laundry otherwise how does it get done?

I do understand that there are and have been MILLIONS of mothers/fathers that work and are crushing it, rocking it, and I applaud them. I just can’t seem to make it work

~God Bless,

Angela

I’ve been thinking this Christmas break while I’ve been off and I need to make some changes. I have become very relaxed with the food I feed my children and the amount of screen time they have in a day while at home. I’ve noticed some changes in them that I’m not a fan of and wonder if changes the two areas listed above would help.

My youngest child as been dealing with a eczema flare up that has been making her crazy. We’ve tried many different lotions, some help for a short period of time and others make it way worse. At her check up she was prescribed a storied that kind of works but I also don’t like using that every single day for 14 days take a week break and start again. At times we have moments of getting it under control but then it flares back up a day later and not in the same spot but all over her body. I wonder if the foods she eats plays a role in the flare ups along with the dry air this winter. We burn wood for heat so the air is even dryer.

I’ve also noticed some changes in my middle guy show is having some behavioral problems in school all of a sudden again and they are getting worse. He has a plan in place for at school but I also wonder if the amount of screen time he gets and the food he eats plays a role in this big behavioral change also. He is picker then my other two children and will only eat certain foods and sometimes wont even try the foods I make. I’ve also noticed he has some bags under his eyes which could mean many things but one thing I think contributes to that is he has a late bedtime which not only contributes to the dark cirlces but also his overall behavior.

My oldest child doesn’t really have anything going on skin wise, behavioral wise, or health wise. He did have a tonsillectomy due to his tonsils being so large, he had strep throat too many times, and he slept terribly with lots of snoring. With the amount of snoring I was describing to his doctor he was concerned that childhood slep apnea was happening and that was the cherry on the cake to get them removed. I wonder if his body would heal better if I change the food he eats too and possibly the environment around him.

My myself I have noticed again that I spent way to much time on my stupid phone on instagram, facebook, and snapchat. This feels like a continues battle I keep fighting. I will do really good for months and then boom I can’t seem to put the stupid thing down. I wonder if this will always be a constant thing I’ll need to work on and/or keep myself accountable. Now that I’m more aware of this constant battle I am ready for the challenge.

With all that being said bring on the changes, which are always hard and lots of emotions will be felt from children and myself. I’m going to reduce the amount of processed foods I purchase for the kids to eat out of convenience or for our evenings so we can move quickly to the whatever child has an activity that night or for after the activity we can consume before bed. I am going to try to plan out meals better and prep ahead of time so I can cut the time it takes to prepare dinner for that night. I also plan on LARGELY reducing the screen time my kiddos get and encourage more free play. This will be the hardest task of them all. Boys use video games as a way to decompress when they come home from school which sometimes I understand but shouldn’t be used all the time. When my daughter comes home from school she right away asks for a show which I also thing she uses a way to decompress and I get but maybe they can have that but in shorter minutes. Over the next couple of days I’ll do some digging, reading, and prepping for when I start this change so there are activities from them to participate in and over time they wont need me to come up with activities and they’ll be able to do it on their own.

I’m going to start with a new bedtime routine for all three of them which will start at 8pm and hopefully they will be in bed by 9pm. My two youngest tend to fight over me and who I will snuggle with first but I think if I have all three have a snack, brush teeth, and then we read a book together on the couch with no tv on. I’m not sure my oldest will want to do the last one seeing how his in 6th grade but I will have the two youngest each pick 1 book OR they will take turns, one child picks books things night and the other child picks books for the next night.

My current humidifier is rather small and I purchased it for when I watched children in the home many years ago. I’ll get it filled and up and running tomorrow morning but I may have to look into a new one or maybe an air purifier that has a built in humidifier.

Change is good and should be welcomed but change can also be scary! Embrace the change and take it one step and day at a time.

God Bless

~Angela

My anxiety has been off and on “acting up” as I like to call it. At times I can figure out whats causing it and sometimes/most times I can’t. Those times I tend to not want to deal with it by having myself listen to my mind and body and feeling the anxiety. I worry if I do when its real strong that I wont be able to get out of it if I’m feeling it. That I will be stuck in it like I was a few years back. I was struggling hard with anxiety which I at that moment didn’t know that is what it was. It got so bad I couldn’t eat at more, I would throw up if I did, I thought I was going to die, and had a feeling of tread and doom. I think the tread and doom was depression also peeking it ugly head. I have come a long were since then, I attend therapy, meds, and try to incorporate “me time”. Now, in the present the meds don’t seem to be working as well as they did maybe but I refuse to increase the amount I’m on. I would like to get off of them at some point but not sure when. I know TMI period and hormone changes can increase anxiety and depression. Another part of anxiety and depression for me is weather based. I like in the midwest and the changing of the seasons at times can hit hard, we are currently in fall and its turned into a gloomy fall which makes me think of how gloomy winter can be. Which in turn can lead to a sad gloomy feeling. I know eating a nice well balanced diet can help with those feelings too which then can for me trigger ED. Which is another mental game I have to pay attention too along with the other two and dealing with all three can be hard and exhausting and puts my brain on over drive. Now that its been happening a few times already this fall season I’m going to have my “tool kit” all set and ready for the winter season.

I don’t have my “tool kit” all set and ready but for I do have an idea of what I’ll be putting in their. One of them can’t fit but its my happy light. I’ll be doing that every morning before the kids wake up which waking up earlier will help me feel less rushed I hope. Its crazy how waking up when the kids wake up and then all four us and sometimes five with timothy can feel like a mad house lol. I’m going to continue to make sure I read at least one book a month more is wonderful but I’m shooting for one. I’m going to move my body 3 times a week no more no less. Moving my body fuels me with endorphins and I need those and too many times a week at times encourages the ED thoughts back in. I have a peach tea that I really love to drink but also smell when I’m feeling anxious or depressed. I’ll be making sure I have at least a box on hand and a tea bag or two in my purse if I need it while at work. I LOVE Reese peanut butter cups also that help calm me and those two will be living in my purse. Last but not least will be journaling. In the morning will I’m sitting in front of my happy light I will be journaling. I’ve found that journaling is good for me to do. It get all thats on my mind out on paper and same with what I’m feeling or whats causing me stress.

What helps you when your feeling anxious or depressed?

God Bless

~Angela

I have decided to incorporate some different “things” for a lack of a better word to my house, for my family, and for myself. I’m going to add them in slowly so I’m not overwhelmed and the same for my family members.

• more yoga
• lots of water
• walking
• strength training 3 times a week
• Lymphatic draining
• remove toxins and items from each room, one room at a time
• more home cooked meals
• more home baked goods
• meal prep regurlay
• be more positive thinking and reduce negative thinking
• work stays at work
• increase personal growth
• increase pleasure reading
• increase time with family and friends
• reduce phone time
• reduce TV time
• increase board game nights

I’m excited to incorporate these changes and I can’t wait to see if a notice a change or not in myself and/or my family.

What are you going to incorporate to your daily life?

Good Bless

Angela

I believe I have two missons in life; one sharing my story with recovery from my eating disorder and also my battle with it, two is to live life to the fullest with my husband and children on our farm land. When we moved here on the family farm property I had a calling to get farm animals and start a garden. Over the years the amount of animals we had changed and the size of the garden we had changed. Which I feel is pretty normal because each year family life changes and so does everyone schedules. We all loved having all the animals on the farm and doing all the chores and watching the seeds we planted and plants grow and in the end feed us. This past summer we did have some difficulties with cows constantly getting out of the pasture by pulling a cool trick of jumping over the hot fence or breaking metal fences. Keeping up with the garden became hard and in the end the weeds took over my garden again. 

God Bless

Angela