I needed time

I needed some time to feel all the feelings that come around and on my dad’s birthday. His birthday is December 2nd and every year he is gone it seems to be getting harder and harder for me to handle. I don’t really believe I am done grieving and I don’t know if I’ll ever be “done”. Every new year I think of him and wish he was here and anything new that the kiddos do I wish he was here. Every holiday celebration, every child’s birthday I wish he was here.

I miss his smile, I miss his laugh, I miss his big bear hugs, and I miss his nonjudgemental big heart. My dad was the kindness man you would every meet and he would do anything to help a person out. He would have never said any of the mean cold hearted things my mother has said to me about myself, children, or my husband. He told me about this time he and my uncle went down to a local bar thats on the river and confronted some out of town drug dealers that were giving my cousin and her friends a hard time. My uncle and dad got into a fist fight with these guys and in the end the guys ended up floating down river to the boat landing. The never spoke to my cousin or her friends again, according to my dad that is. My dad was so proud of that story and would tell me whenever he would remember. You have to understand my dad was a 5ft 6in, 300 pound man and being able to do that when your 50 is pretty awesome. I think a few beers helped boost his confidence hahaha.

Happy Birthday Dad

God Bless

~Angela

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Elf on the Shelf

It was roughly three years ago when I came across elf on the shelf on Pinterest and decided to jump on the train. I figured I could do this for 25 days how hard can it be right? At first it was easy Dominic and Robbie just got a kick out of find the Elf in a new spot every day and the Elf would do something big on the weekend and they were cool with it. Well I must have out done myself those years because so far this round I have been slacking on doing something big on the weekend with the Elf. Dang I can hardly remember to move him every night. I either fall asleep on the couch and get up to go to bed and forget or I cuddle with a kiddo in bed and boom I’m out for the night.

Please tell me I’m not the only one who forget to move the Elf? I think I have forgotten twice a week so far since the first of December. Well last night I set an alarm before bed to remind me to move the Elf and I did. He even wrote a note to the boys saying he couldn’t move the door on the glass cupboard so he ended up being stuck in the same spot two days in a row and he snuck some of the boys Halloween candy and left some wraps behind and he had moved to a new spot. I was so proud of myself this morning and the boys were so happy to see he had moved and left a note. They weren’t so happy that he had eaten some of their candy hahahaha.

Elfie

I have already thought of something big this weekend to do that involves green streamers, a yellow star, and the Elf. Any guesses? Leave them in the comments below. 🙂 Happy Elf time!!

God Bless

~Angela

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It Came and Left

My birthday has come and gone and I’m one year older…..32!! 32 is my FAVORITE number and has been since I was in elementary school, so this number doesn’t bother me at all. I feel like everyone freaks out once they are in their 30’s and they make life changes sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad.

32 sports jersey football number Men's T-Shirt | Spreadshirt

I have mixed feelings about my birthday, at first I’m pretty excited and look froward to have a day to myself which this year Timothy worked so I had the kiddos and the day was still great. I got to watch whatever I wanted on the TV, whoot whoot.

I always wake up on my birthday setting up expectations about the birthday texts I’m going to get or the Facebook posts will I have and who posted them and how many. This is completely ridiculous now that I’v been thinking about it. Last year no one text and no one posted on Facebook about my birthday and I was devastated and cried almost all night. The only ones who remembered where Timothy and his dad who actually gifted me a awesome gift. Its a sign that says “Life is Better on the Farm”, best sign ever and so true.

This year I woke to be birthday with no expectations and told myself it’s my day and I don’t need to be worried about who remembers on Facebook, like how silly is that. I reminded myself about years ago when Facebook wasn’t a thing and the simple call or card for my birthday made my day. And you know what, those two simple things made my day this birthday. I received my yearly birthday card from my Godmother that I look forward to every year, a card from my Auntie, and the best card of all from my mother-in-law. On the front of the card was a very good looking, topless man holding a birthday sign. I did get a lot of text messages from friends and family too and a call from my mom. The boys made me paper gifts and it brought tears to my eyes.! I love those boys!

The down side to my birthday is that it’s another year my dad isn’t here to celebrate with me. I miss him more and more every birthday, every Holiday, and every season change.

If you have a birthday coming up, what are your plans? Leave it below!

God Bless

~Angela

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And that Happened

Well its happened, one of our children has broken their first bone and it was Josie. Josie, at 22 months has broke her collarbone by falling off her brothers bed and landing chest first onto the carpet. Timothy and I were upstairs with the kiddos but in a different room cleaning. I was putting away the never ending laundry and Timothy was organizing his board games. I ran so fast to that bedroom because her cry was different, it sounded like a painful cry. I picked her up and she was holding that side of her body and I knew something wasn’t right. A hour went by and she was still favoring it and wouldn’t let anyone touch it. I had put her down to go to the bathroom and then I saw it. Her left shoulder was dipping down and I knew there was a break somewhere.

We called the nurse to confirm my suspicions and she directed us to take her in to the ER, on a Sunday evening. We get into the ER and we had a nurse who was the sweetest nurse ever and Josie took to her real fast. The doctor saw us and ordered X-rays to be done and again that radiology tech. working with Josie did a great job. She had Josie turn on the X-ray machine a couple of times which Josie loved and afterwards the technician showed us the picture, more to just show Josie her cool photo but I could see it then, the clean break. We went back to the room and waited for a few moments and the doctor came in and confirmed what I saw and said it’s a nice blah blah blah break and showed me the X-ray and asked if I would find it. I did. I think if he would’ve had stickers he would have given me one for how good of I job I did finding it (insert eye roll here). He was one of those doctors if you know what I mean.

The life of Josie

It’s been a week now and Josie is recovering nicely minus all the climbing and falling she continues to do hahaha. She has a hard time sitting still and now that she’s feeling better there is no more fear in that little girl. She has to wear the sling for 3-6 weeks, thats going to be the longest time of my life but we got this!

God Bless

~Angela

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Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone

So last week we had lovely warm weather here in Wisconsin which is strange for November. For little over a week we had sunny days that were 65 to 70 degrees out! It was wonderful and amazing. Now the weather here has turned back to its normal self; cold, slightly windy, and 45 degrees with a chance of snow.

I have started to do yoga everyday and I have to say my body feels more loose and my joints hurt way less which is awesome. I was gonna start my yoga one day last week and then it dawned on me that I should do it outside while I can. So I packed two yoga mats, my phone, and my water and headed for our deck. After I had set my mats up and the yoga music on my phone I was about to start and then I remembered that I hate doing yoga with a shirt on. No matter the shirt I wear while doing yoga it always ends up on my face while doing downward dog and I feel like I’m being smothered by it. So I started doing yoga without a shirt on while inside and I was like “should I do the same out?” I probably stood there for 10 minutes arguing in my head if I should or shouldn’t take my shirt off. One of the good points I brought up to myself was “well when you go swimming you sometimes wear a two piece and a sports bra covers more than a swimming suite top so go for it!”. And I did. I took my shirt off and stood their and I felt very exposed! “Thought what will my neighbors think? Will the judge my mom bod?” I said out loud to myself “well they are going to deal with my mom bod and I DON’T CARE WHAT THEY THINK!”. It felt so liberating saying that out loud and actually believing it. I did about 30 minutes of yoga and not one car drove past and I finished right before the bus dropped off Dominic which was perfect because the bus does drive past were I was doing yoga.

It felt so great doing yoga outside and having the sun hit my back, arms, and face. I love listening to upbeat yoga music while doing my yoga but I really loved listening to the ducks and chickens that were right behind me. It made it even more peaceful and enjoying.

Loving your body is a journey and for me taking about my shirt while outside is a BIG step and I’m starting to love my body for what it does and how it looks! Be kind to you body and feed your body with love and healthy foods!

~God Bless

Angela

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New Mornings

Over the summer I found and had a really good morning routine going. I would get up make coffee and read a book that’s called “How to Be Well: The 6 Keys to a Happy and Healthy Life” by Frank, M.D. Lipman. I happened to stumble across this book at the library and loved it so much I ordered it off of Amazon.

I learned so many awesome things that I never new about and most of the neat information I had learned was about sleep. Each 6 areas are broken done and a lot of tips and tricks are shard which I feel is really great. The books also talks about developing a good and strong morning routine which for me a mom of three who enjoys time alone sounded great. Like I sad I developed a really good routine and mean did it feel great.

Well naturally I fell off the wagon when school started and it was becoming cooler out. A new routine had started which was getting Dominic and Robbie up for school. I would sadly not get up until the last minute before I had to rush to get the boys ready for school and fly out the door to catch the bus. I would suggest not doing this at all, it made for some cranky kiddos in the morning and a frazzled mom.

I am proud to say I have incorporated a morning routine back into my mornings and we are not longer rushing out of bed to catch the bus lol. I feel like such a better mom and more ready to take on my day. I get up around 5:15 am and drink 8 oz of sea salt water which is good to do because it replenishes the minerals you have lost during the night. After I have chugged that I have some delicious coffee and do some journaling and thats around 5:30 am. I look forward to journaling every morning and it helps get my mind clear and I have no desire to be on my phone. Which is big goal of mine to reduce the amount of time I am on my phone. Baby steps to conquer that goal. After journaling I wake Dominic up at 6 am and get him situated and ready for the bus. Typically Robbie is up around this time and he more needy then Dominic so I tend to Robbies needs and get him situated. Around 7 am I get dressed and ready for my day and then cook up some breakfast. My goal is to have breakfast done by 8 am but I still hit a few bumps in the road so it’s been done around 8:30 am. Still I work in progress.

The rest of the day I go with the flow. I have some things written down in my planner that I do everyday and each day I have a different room or chore added to the list that needs to get done that day. Like cleaning the kitchen which is my least favorite room to clean. It helps me stay accountable each day and I feel like I get chores done. If I did something that wasn’t on my daily chore list, I’ll add it to the list just so I can cross it off right away. I like to cross things off that i get done, it makes me feel good! lol

Do you every add something to your list that you have already got done just so you can cross it off? Let me know in the comments below.

~God Bless

Angela

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Another Rough One

October started off real rough. Charlie our old Golden Retriever mixed Springer Spinal had been having some health problems starting months and months ago.

It was around December 2019 that we discovered he had a horrible ear infection. We honestly thought the nasty smell we had been smelling was due to him stepping in or rolling in cow poop. That was one of his favorite things to do. We started cleaning the ear at home first before taking him to the vet and eventually we had to take him around the start of summer because nothing seemed to be helping him and he started to not eat due to the pain he was having in his jaw from the pressure from the ear infection. He was put on some medication and some special ear cleaner and drops which all seemed to help so much but then boom it stopped working. After a couple of months we took him back in around the end of August to see if the infection had gotten better and it hadn’t. He now had a yeast infection growing in the ear and from my understanding they are very hard to get rid of. The vet had cleaned his ear out really, really good and shaved the area around the ear to help it drain and get some air in to dry it out. Moister is a bad thing to have when trying to beat an ear infection. He was also prescribed new medication and a new ear cleaner and we started all over.

Well things didn’t get better. Charlies ear may have been getting better but Charlie wasn’t. I truly believe there was another health concern that was happening in his body. He had some tumors all over his body and one was on his back that was really large. We think that could have had something to do with what was going on with him. At the end of September he stopped eating, was very lethargic, and looked absolute miserable. He didn’t socialize with Wanda or the cats and not even us. He didn’t like getting love anymore or snuggles which BROKE my heart. As we entered October he hadn’t eaten for almost two weeks and he started to not drink water, that was a big sign for me. I was and still feel like the bad guy fro bringing up having Charlie put down. It broke my heart to have to bring it up and have that conversation with Timothy. We decided to change his diet and really work hard on getting him to eat the mash in small amounts and drink water but nothing worked. The next couple of days were even tougher and he started barfing up phlegm and he was struggling to breath. Like most of us do I googled all the symptoms Charlie was having and it said he was actively dying and I was crushed! Timothy and I had that talk again and on Friday October 2nd we decided to make the toughest choice but the best choice so Charlie didn’t have to suffer in so much pain. We had him put down.

I thought watching Rocky the farm dog that we got to love for two year was

Rocky and Charlie

away was tough my God watching a dog I have loved for 12 years, who was my best friend, who had been my best buddy for all 3 of my pregnancies, and who was with me during the toughest time of my life. He was my biggest supporter during my fight to get my life back from my eating disorder.

Ill always remember Charlie and love him forever.

Charlie 2018

~God Bless

Angela

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Cute Puppy Alert!!

Hey All!!! I hope you guys are doing great and staying safe! We have a new member to the family. I would like you to meet Wanda!

Wanda at a month old

Wanda was born around June 20th and she’s currently 4 months old and she huge! Once I get a updated photo of her I’ll share for sure. Wanda is a Mastiff and a Rottweiler mix and is projected to be about 135 pounds! Oh boy haha. She’s the first female dog we’ve ever had and she’s the biggests lap dog we’ve had too. She’s such a sweetie pie and very loving and wanted to do nothing more then please you. She’s doing really good with potty training and so far is real good with the other animals. Charlie didn’t know what to think of her at first but grew to kind of like her and Cindy (the cat) is not a fan. She has nothing to do with Wanda and keeps her distance. We have a another cat that we saved from that barn back in spring and his name is Wesley and he’s a spunky male cat! Wanda and Wesley are best friends just like Cindy and Charlie are but the two do like to fight for sure.

Wanda and Charlie!

God Bless

~Angela

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Mind Games……….Suck!

I’ve started a new workout program again last week and I had actually started it once a month ago and only completed the first week and half of the second and then I got sick so I didn’t finish. So I started it up again this past week. I had all intentions of doing every scheduled day but life happened and I ended up moving my body differently. I either played around outside with the kiddos or took the puppy on a walk or did both. There may have been a day or two that I didn’t do much and thats OKAY. We shouldn’t feel guilty if we took a day off or didn’t get the planned program workout in. And thats exactly what I did. I started to beat myself up about not staying on track with my workouts and judging myself for what I was eating or drinking (this momma likes to have some wine).

Ugh its sooo annoying that I do that and that habit and way of thinking is definitely a learned. I was either taught from family members or social media. Social media is the worst sometimes. I’m working on being okay with what I eat and I would like to become a more intuitive eater thats my ultimate goal.

So like I said above this week I started back up on doing the workouts via the program and I had my days off in the program. So for example I left off on last Thursday’s workout but I ended up doing Thursday workout on Monday. It felt strange but thats what I wanted to do and let me tell you my mind starting spinning with how I could squeeze in more workouts in each day so I could be caught up again. These workouts are 25-30 minutes so if I would have done two workouts I would be working out for an hour straight. The more I thought about it, it had dawned on me, I was like oh shit! That was a warning sign for me that, my eating disorder is trying to peak its nasty head and take control. So I talked myself off the edge of doing two workouts and told myself that one workout for the day is great!

I LOVE moving my body if thats either dancing, running, weight training, cardio, or yoga I love moving body and how it makes me feel. I feel mentally more stable and I feel more grounded. The moment I feel lost or consumed with the thought of working out more I try to remind myself of how far I have come on this road of recovery from my eating disorder.

When my eating disorder was controlling my life and I was at my worst, I remember this so clearly, I jumped slowly on the scale like a fragile glass doll filled with anxiety. I was so anxious about what number was going to appear on the scale even thought I had been on the scale that morning after my first workout of the day. The moment the number flashed on I was filled with joy and then sadness. Ninety eight pounds what how much I weighted that evening after my evening workout and right before dinner. My eating disorder goal was to weight less then one hundred pounds and I had achieved. It was like I wanted to see how low my weight could get.

The number on the scale means absolutely NOTHING! You mean so mush more then that number and I’m here for you!!

God Bless

~Angela

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What a summer 2020

This summer has been a crazy one filled with many emotions from happiness to sadness. The summer started off great and we had lots of fun with cousins and water haha. We’ve had lots of sprinkler days and pool days which the kiddos loved so much. We planted our first garden at the farm and it turned out wonderful and blessed us with tons of fresh produce and even now that we are in October the kale is still growing strong.

We had THREE gardens this year, yes you read that right THREE gardens! One is a raised garden bed that used to be a grain feeder and in there we planted lettuce and green peppers. The peppers were growing great tell one of our goats broke free from the pen and ate them all. Lessoned

the goat damage!

for next year is to move the raised bed away from the goat pen. The other raised garden bed is on the ground but just raised sides. In there we had pumpkins, spinach, and canning cucumbers. All of them grew so big and lush but the stinking squash bugs infected the pumpkin plants and we couldn’t shake them at the time. Even though we didn’t get to enjoy the pumpkins for Halloween our goats sure loved them. Pumpkin is a great dewormer for goats so thats a plus. In the big traditional garden we planted lots of vegetables almost too many. My thought with all that I planted was that if we didn’t eat it or like it I could always feed it to the pigs and we sure did hahaha. We planted zucchini plants, melons, cucumbers, kale, beats, peas (they didn’t do so hot), green beans, carrots, onions, cherry tomatoes, regular tomatoes, celery, cabbage, and squash. I know thats a sh** ton of vegetables!!!

Yummy spinach and lettuce from the garden ❤

Sadly we had lots our farm dog in June. When Timothy were seniors in hight school so 2006/2007 we had gotten a puppy from people in town who didn’t know he was going to be such a large dog. They had taken him to the vet and learned how big he could eventually get. So we snagged him up and named him Rocky. Rocky lived on the farm with Timothys dad and their farm dog Buster. Buster taught Rocky the rules of the farm and kept him safe. Rocky lived a wonderful life on the farm and over the course of his life he watched over steer, cats, kittens, chickens, ducks, goats, and pigs. Rocky passed away at 14 years old. We will loved him forever!!

He’s a good looking dog!!

Good Bless!

~Angela

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