When we first moved out of our parents home and into the apartment we had bought some dishes and utensil’s from the dollar store. We’ve kept these utensil’s when we moved into our first home and even kept them when we were gifted a kitchen set and we still have them now. They are great transition forks and spoons for the kids.
While I was deep into my eating disorder I would only use those utensil’s when eating meals and during my first round of therapy I never thought much about it why I chose them. I just told myself that I didn’t want to dirty the new utensil’s and keep them lasting as long as I can. Why not use the dollar store ones tell they bust, they are in fact only a dollar.
Over the course of recovery, I hate to admit it but I used the dollar tree forks and spoons all the time because I viewed and valued myself as that much, a dollar, worthless, and meaning less. Thats how low I was when my eating disorder consumed my life and my every thought. Those feeling at every meal lead to having suicidal thoughts and thank goodness I never acted on them because my family wouldn’t be here today and neither would I.
Every time I go into the silverware draw to grab what I need I always think about what those utensil’s did mean and their purpose and what they mean now. I never grab them for myself to use on a daily basis and probably never will. I have value, purpose, and I am worth so much and much more. I may from time to time use the fork or spoon as a challenge to myself that those past beliefs or feelings have no hold over me now and to remind the eating disorder that it doesn’t have a hold on me with the utensil.