I will never understand how any mother can be so mean to their child/children, young or old, big or little, boy or girl. I will never understand!!!! Shame on her!! I will never be mean to my children like that and thats a promise.
I will start with what happened yesterday evening and this event is what caused me to post yesterdays post today. I just didn’t have the energy and needed to spend time with Timothy and getting my thoughts back in order. Yesterday afternoon my mother came over to drop off some apples, tape, and a coat. This big grey coat was one that she had been wearing so far here since it became cold and I think even last year. She claims she never wore this coat before because she just didn’t like the way it felt or looked on her. I guess my grandmother, my dads mom had bought it for her years a go for Christmas. I call bullshit, its a very new coat and she and my grandmother haven’t seen each other in YEARS, let alone exchange Christmas gifts. So she comes with this coat and say’s telling me to try it on and see how it fits. Before I do so I notice the size, a 2xl! Instantly I now it isn’t going to fit good anywhere at all and I was right. Lynn goes “oh my goodness it looks so good on you and way better then your other coat”. The other coat by the way she bought be last year for Christmas. I said “well which one are you talking about, the pink one or grey one?”. She was talking about the grey one and says “Angela that grey one is just too small and tight around your stomach and it just doesn’t look good.”
My feelings were hurt and still are hurt. I know it may sound silly to be hurt over something like that but thats the life of dealing with an Eating Disorder daily. I may be 8 years on the road of recovery with a few rough turns over the years but this is how those turns can start. It all starts with judging myself in all the areas from being a horrible mother, horrible housewife, and a horribly fat women/mom. Those were the thoughts I started having after she left and well into the night. Today will be filled with altering my thoughts and using the tools that I have equipped over the years and it might take all week. I may have to do this for a week or more and I’m going to change how often I speak to her.