When I was home from the hospital that half week my appetite took a BIG hit. I wasn’t feeling hungry or thirsty which isn’t normal for me. I am constantly eating throughout the day but not then. My appetite didn’t come back tell Sunday, I actually felt hungry and thirsty. I drank 5 24 oz bottles of water which felt AMAZING and truly enjoying food again was such a relief.
When I wasn’t hungry and basically forcing myself to eat I had old thoughts rolling
through my head. Like “I could be losing so much weight right now”, “to bad I couldn’t be working out right now, I would lose so much more”, and the worst one of all “I hope my appetite doesn’t come back”. I feel so horrible sharing this but it’s 100% the truth. In those moments when the thoughts were being said in my head I was trying to battle myself with saying more realistic thoughts like “your body needs food”, “Your baby girl that your fighting to keep inside longer, needs food”, and “think of that baby girl”.
I am so happy I didn’t listen to those disordered thoughts and forced myself to continue eating and drinking. That right there is how an Eating Disorder works. You can be so many years on the road of recovery but when there’s a “weak moment” so to speak that’s when it rears it’s nasty head. Self talk is so important to help yourself get through it and having a safety system set in place in case the self talk doesn’t work.