Just Scared

As I enter 30 weeks pregnant and start getting her room ready and thinking off the stuff we need to get done I am finding myself becoming scared.  I know we will get all the things done on the never ending “to-do list” regarding her room but it’s all the “what ifs” or “how am I going to” that are scaring me shitless.  I know I can manage three kids but I’m not sure I can keep up with the oldest one’s school activities, keep the middle child happy and challenged, work 40 hours a week, house work, and possibly breastfeed her.  Oh an keeping my marriage solid

To me that all sounds so dam stressful and I know stress brings down supply and creates all around unhappy people.  I want to be as stress free as I can be but lets be honest I don’t think that will happen.  I’m scared that I will not have enough time with my baby girl because I will be working so much and she will be “raised” by someone else at daycare that isn’t me, which truly makes me sad.  My ultimate dream would be to be a stay at home mom again and work on some of my dreams that I have and hopefully turn them into making extra income.  I am currently creating some product to sell at a local craft/painting store in town but I’m unsure if my inventory you could say will sell or not so I can’t rely on that has a strong/consistent income.  I have also been signed up as a Beach Body Coach since May and LOVED it but shortly after I found out I was pregnant and basically could function at all due to horrible morning sickness that I have never experienced before with my boys.  With that being said I really didn’t get to build my coaching business like I had hoped I would but I know I can start again once baby is born, all is good, and I’m cleared.  BUT that takes time too and extra time to squeeze in the learning and the building my brand and I don’t know about you but sleep sounds very important in the near future and I have a feeling its going to be far and few in between.

Which makes me think about my current sleeping “schedule”, my oldest son gets on the bus at 6:40 am every morning so sadly I have to wake him up at 6 am or a little before and I get up at 5 am so I can somewhat function and get myself together.  After he is on the bus myself and sometimes my middle son leave to take on our 40 minute commute to work.  Which isn’t far but far enough for me and thinking about having to travel with a baby in the future on shitty roads makes me even more scared and nervous.

Image may contain: Angela Stearns, smiling, standing, indoor and closeup

I’m trying to stay as positive as I can be but sometimes I need to think about the future to keep myself together but I find it makes me cry more then helps me.  The only thing I’m really excited about is seeing her and being able to hold her!

God Bless

~Angela

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