I wish someone would have told me how hard this next chapter of life would be and maybe I would have been a little more prepared. I’m in the chapter of motherhood when all 3 of my children are in school full time and have been since September and they are all in 1 activity that happens after school. I remember when they were little and I would think “oh man, I can’t wait tell they are in school”. Now, not every day did I think that only on the hard days and would think what would life be like. Maybe I would be working outside the home, growing a beautiful garden full of food I could harvest and save, being a hobby farmer with all the animals in the world and having my kiddos tag along during the summer or after school.
I do have a garden, I do have some farm animals, and I am working outside the home. I do work outside of the home and my job gets all my attention. Unfortunately, we had down size on the farm animals we had because we didn’t have the extra time to put into fixing some fences and such to keep them safe. My garden looks very sad 80% of the time and I haven’t harvested many of the food the garden has
me with but my animals did get them. I did get to cut some fresh flowers from the garden and make a beautiful bouquet for the dinning room table. Man they were beautiful and I can’t wait to grow some more flowers. Then when school started and my work hours shifted to working tell 4:30 life seemed to get harder. I was having a hard time fitting in an evening workout session for myself and making dinner so we could get at a decent time. When the activities started everything became harder. I’m lucky if I can have dinner made by 7 most nights with and us eating by 8 but mostly we have cereal or sandwiches and sometimes subway for the connivence of it. I would feel better knowing everyone had eaten a dinner and that task was done for the night. I miss seeing and spending time with my children and it makes me sad I give my all working with children and have little left for my children and then we run around trying to get everything in once we get home. Three nights a week I get 1.5 hours with them if I’m lucky and sometimes 2 hours for the kiddos that dont have an activity that night.
I know a change needs to happen but how do you know where? Will my spouse be upset that I want to change? I like to keep everyone happy and thriving but I feel like I’m drowning and 2 of my kiddos are falling behind reading and I hold a lot of guilt for. I didn’t read to those two like I did with my oldest. I read to my oldest every night since 6 months tell 5/6 then life became crazy with 3 kiddos and I barley read to him let alone the other two.
No body told me trying to do all the above is nearly impossible and you have to put yourself on the back burner or make some sacrifices.
I think about summer time and how last summer went. My kiddos went to the school age program every day I worked when we got home we ate and rushed to baseball 2 times a week. I think the kiddos and I went camping twice, we had a family vacation for the weekend which was wonderful, and then some fires at home. That all sounds so wonderful minus the little time of summer my kiddos had and myself. I want to do so much with them but only have two days to do so but one day has to be for laundry otherwise how does it get done?
I do understand that there are and have been MILLIONS of mothers/fathers that work and are crushing it, rocking it, and I applaud them. I just can’t seem to make it work
~God Bless,
Angela
My Journey in Life with Ed 